In Kathleen Smith鈥檚 book听Everything Isn鈥檛 Terrible:听Conquer Your Insecurities, Interrupt Your Anxiety, and Finally Calm Down, she discusses how community is vital to well-being, but is also very easy to treat like something non-essential or undeserved:
鈥淲hen we deny ourselves community, we lose contact with thoughtful and passionate people who will challenge our worst beliefs about ourselves. But we often treat community like a luxury rather than an essential component of our well-being. Often this avoidance of community is your anxiety wearing the mask of self-denial. Because your anxiety loves to find reasons to keep you away from community, it will offer you unwatched TV seasons and pizza in bed. It will remind you that you have nothing to wear or that there鈥檚 a 20 percent chance of rain. It will pull out your to-do lists, point to your laundry pile, and suggest it鈥檚 simply not a good time to throw yourself into unfamiliar terrain. It鈥檚 easy to develop 鈥楢s Soon As鈥� Syndrome when it comes to exploring new community. Have you ever used an As Soon As excuse to deny yourself community? [Examples include:]听I鈥檒l join a Frisbee team as soon as I get settled at work, I鈥檒l start going back to religious services as soon as the semester is over, I鈥檒l check out that running group as soon as I can finish a 5K by myself, or听I鈥檓 going to move next year, so I鈥檒l start volunteering as soon as I get settled.
When we treat community as if it鈥檚 something to be earned, we forget that community is where we learn to define ourselves to others, to be the person we want to be. Without community, it鈥檚 unlikely you鈥檒l ever feel settled or calm down. Community is the cake, not the icing.鈥�
We need to interact with people with whom we find belonging and shared values and purpose. We need experiences sharing about what excites or concerns us, and our developping thoughts what we believe and how we want to live. We need connections with whom we can grow and develop, explore and question, and get through hard times.
It鈥檚 not easy to build a community life as a student. Community connection usually doesn鈥檛 come built-in or easily accessible in today鈥檚 world. Joining a community group might be super scary, strange and awkward at first, and just introducing ourselves to classmates can take enormous courage. Yet, because community life is important for inner wellness, no effort is wasted, all of it will help us develop and grow.
