When I was little, I was an idealist, and my dream was world peace. Then I entered adolescence and became convinced, to my great dismay, that things had already gone so wrong in the world that my dream could never by anything more than simply a dream, and that in fact, our world was destined for ruin. I see things differently now, and my idea of the world has been informed by my experience of it; I鈥檓 no longer much of an idealist, nor am I a pessimist. A large part of the difference has been a change in perspective鈥攑eace is not longer something that happens exclusively in the world around me. Now I feel that peace is something that starts from the inside out.
A year ago, I found myself taking aikido classes at 捆绑SM社区 for the first time. Aikido was not my martial art of choice at that point, but now I鈥檓 hooked. There鈥檚 not a lot that鈥檚 martial about aikido. The word aikido literally translates as 鈥淭he Way of harmony with ki鈥� (ki may be loosely described as 鈥渓ifeforce鈥�), and the techniques are not designed to overpower or dominate the opponent by force, but to create harmony in action. What aikido has become for me is a search for peace.
I enter each class not knowing whether my movement will be smooth, precise and harmonious, or frustratingly clumsy. Sometimes I walk in feeling confident, sure of my ability and thinking that my mind is calm and receptive. Other days my ego is clearly dominating. On either kind of day I could be headed for embarrassment, but it is the latter days most of all, when I am sure to come away bruised鈥攊n body, in ego, or both. My performance in class depends much less on how much I have practiced recently, and much more on my state of mind. If I am able to let go of my thoughts of grandeur and success, and instead lead with my centre and surrender to the movement of my body, then I can experience peace, even amidst the conflict. But aikido doesn鈥檛 stop when I leave the mat. This is the same peace I search for in each choice I make. IT is the peace I search for whether I鈥檓 chanting a mantra, interacting with friends or strangers, writing an M.P., cleaning the bathroom or recycling. I have a vision of a world that I want to live in, a world of choices made in support of peace and beauty. I try to make these choices myself, to contribute to creating this world. On my walk to school, I鈥檝e made a practice of picking up at least one piece of garbage along the way. Because each piece of garbage I remove makes the walk that much more beautiful.
Originally published in the Nov. 2021 issue of Radix Magazine, "Searching for Peace"
